A diverse audience of people laughing and enjoying a presentation, emphasizing the power of funny speech opening lines.

40 Funny Speech Opening Lines: Make ‘Em Laugh Before You Even Begin!

Think of your speech opening line like the first bite of a delicious meal – it sets the tone and leaves you wanting more. A well-crafted, funny speech opening lines can instantly break the ice, make your audience feel at ease, and build anticipation for what’s to come.

But crafting that perfect line? It can feel like searching for a needle in a haystack. That’s why we’ve done the heavy lifting for you! If you read our article about “How to Write a Powerful Speech Opening?” you will get a full understanding of how to craft your speech opening.

Below, you’ll find 40 funny speech opening lines that cater to a wide range of topics and situations. Whether you’re addressing a formal business conference or a casual wedding reception, these lines will help you the ice and kick things off with a bang.

General Icebreakers

Everyone loves a good laugh, right? These funny speech opening lines are designed to do just that – break the ice and get your audience smiling. They’re perfect for any occasion where you want to start things off on a light and friendly note.

  1. “Before we start, can everyone please look under their chairs? I lost my contact lens, and it might be a little blurry up here…”
  2. “Good evening, everyone! Or as I like to call it, the part of the day where I try to sound smarter than I actually am.”
  3. “It’s a pleasure to be here tonight. Or as my therapist would say, ‘It’s a start.'”
  4. “Thank you for that warm welcome. I was worried you’d all be asleep by now.”
  5. “Hello, everyone! I’m here to talk to you about [topic]. Or as my kids call it, ‘The thing that makes dad boring.'”
  6. “Before I begin, I want to thank the person who invented coffee. You are the real MVP.”

Self-Deprecating Humor

a person laughing at her ownself.

Want to show your audience you don’t take yourself too seriously? Try poking a little fun at yourself! These self-deprecating funny speech opening lines can help you appear more relatable and down-to-earth.

  1. “I wasn’t sure what to wear tonight, so I asked my cat. He said, ‘Meow’ (which I think means ‘go for the tuxedo’).”
  2. “I’d like to thank [person] for that glowing introduction. I must say, I’ve never heard myself described as so… fictional.”
  3. “I’ve been practicing this speech in front of my dog. He hasn’t understood a word, but he sure does wag his tail a lot.”
  4. “I’m a little nervous tonight, so bear with me. I’m not used to talking to people who aren’t my plants.”
  5. “I promise to keep this speech short. My attention span is about as long as a goldfish’s.”
  6. “I know what you’re thinking: ‘This guy doesn’t look like a public speaker.’ Well, you’re right. I’m actually a ninja in disguise.”

Situational Humor (Weddings, Business, etc.)

Every event has its unique flavor, and your opening line can reflect that! Use these tailored jokes to match the mood of your specific occasion.

  1. (Wedding) “Ladies and gentlemen, it’s an honor to be here tonight. And for the single folks out there, don’t worry, your time will come. Or it won’t. Either way, there’s cake.”
  2. (Business) “I’m here to talk to you about increasing productivity. But first, let’s be honest, who here is secretly checking their email?”
  3. (Graduation) “Congratulations, graduates! You made it. Now go out there and prove your parents wrong about that whole ‘art history degree’ thing.”
  4. (Birthday) “Happy birthday, [person]! You don’t look a day over… well, let’s just say you look amazing.”
  5. (Retirement) “Congratulations on your retirement! Finally, you can stop pretending to know what the young people are talking about.”
  6. (Awards) “I’m truly honored to receive this award. Although, I must admit, I was hoping for a cash prize.”

Pop Culture References

Do you love movies, TV shows, or music? Sprinkle in a pop culture reference! It’s a fun way to connect with your audience, especially if you share a common interest.

  1. “I’m so nervous, I feel like I’m about to go on stage for the first time since my middle school production of ‘Grease.'”
  2. “I’m not sure if I’m qualified to give this speech. I mean, I’ve never even won an Oscar.”
  3. “If this speech were a Netflix series, it would be called ‘Awkward Silences and Dad Jokes.'”
  4. “I hope my speech isn’t as forgettable as the last season of ‘Game of Thrones.'”

Audience Participation

Want to make your speech even more fun? Get your audience involved! These funny speech opening lines are designed to spark interaction and create a lively atmosphere. They’ll help you build a connection with your listeners right from the start.

  1. “Can I get a show of hands? Who here actually read my bio in the program?”
  2. “Who’s excited to be here tonight? [Pause for response] Liars.”
  3. “I have a joke, but it only works if you laugh. So, on the count of three, everyone laugh… One, two, three… [Pause] Well, that was awkward.”
  4. “Let’s play a game. I’ll say a word, and you shout out the first thing that comes to mind. Ready? [Topic of your speech].”

Bonus Lines (Just for Fun)

Looking for something a little extra? These lines are just for fun. They might be a bit silly, but they’re sure to get a chuckle out of your audience.

  1. “I’m not saying I’m lazy, but I once hired someone from fiverr to watch a YouTube video for me.”
  2. “I’m so bad at math, I can’t even count the number of times I’ve said ‘I’m bad at math.'”
  3. “I’m not a morning person. I’m barely even a person before noon.”
  4. “I’m not sure why I was asked to give this speech. I think they confused me with someone who’s actually interesting.”
  5. “My therapist told me to take up public speaking to overcome my fear of judgment. So, feel free to judge away!”
  6. “I’ve been told I have a face for radio. But hey, I’m here, aren’t I?”
  7. “I’m like a fine wine… I get better with age. Or at least, that’s what I tell myself.”
  8. “I’m not saying I’m perfect, but I’ve never been wrong… yet.”
  9. “I’m not sure what’s more nerve-wracking, giving this speech or trying to parallel park in front of all of you.”
  10. “I’m so glad you all came to hear me speak. I was starting to worry I was only talking to myself.”
  11. “I’m not sure what’s more confusing, the economy or my love life.”
  12. “I’m like a box of chocolates… you never know what you’re gonna get. But hopefully, it’s not salmonella.”
  13. “I’m not saying I’m old, but I remember when Netflix was just a DVD rental service.”
  14. “I’m like a good book… worth sticking with until the end. Or at least, the first few chapters.”

Watch this compilation video of comedians delivering hilarious opening lines during their stand-up routines.


Remember, your opening line is your first chance to make a lasting impression. It’s your secret weapon to grab your audience’s attention and set the tone for an unforgettable speech.

We’ve covered a wide range of options to get you started:

  • General Icebreakers: Perfect for warming up any crowd with lighthearted humor.
  • Self-Deprecating Humor: Show your audience you don’t take yourself too seriously.
  • Situational Humor: Tailor your jokes to your specific event and audience.
  • Pop Culture References: Connect with your audience on a shared cultural level.
  • Audience Participation: Get everyone involved for a truly interactive experience.
  • Bonus Lines: Just for fun, because who doesn’t love a good laugh?

So, take a deep breath, step up to that microphone, and let your humor shine! Experiment with different types of speech opening lines until you find the perfect fit for your personality and your audience.

And if you’re ready to dive deeper into crafting a speech that truly resonates, don’t forget to check out our comprehensive guide on speech structure. It’ll give you all the tools you need to build a presentation that’s not only funny but also informative and engaging from start to finish.